The End of the Umbilical Cord Rainbow (A Midsummer Night’s Pondering)

And as imagination bodies forth
The forms of things unknown, the poet’s pen
Turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing
A local habitation and a name.

– William Shakespeare (A Midsummer Night’s Dream)

So the other day, my roommates and I were hanging around the apartment avoiding the dead heat of the North Carolina Summer. It didn’t take long to get into a heated debate about birth and where exactly the end of the umbilical cord lies.

In an attempt to avoid unholy images on the Google, we decided to write about our thoughts. The following is the collaboration of 3 (semi-grown) men and their imaginative view of the subject.

So many people say it is impossible to reach the end of a rainbow. Others claim there is a friendly Irish man with a nice pot of gold. I don’t really care what you believe, the fact of the matter is, can you really get to the end of a rainbow? That is a question for a later time. Now, let’s talk birth. So if there is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, one can only imagine what lies at the end of an umbilical cord. In fact, I’m dying to know what is going through your mind right now.

We assume there lies the secret to a woman’s heart. Most likely locked in a golden box. Another rather knowledgable guess is that there is a tether ball pole that whack-a-moles the baby out when the time is just right.

Perhaps there deep in the vaginal pathway lies the true end of a rainbow. Would this mean that a tiny leprechaun is curdling the baby until the magical moment of delivery? And that a pot of gold secretly lay hidden in the depths of the female pleasure organ. This could explain why medical professors say that sex is more stimulating to the brain than money…

Why is it that a mother and child share a special mystical connection no one else can (sorry dads)? What is it about the umbilical cord that gives it the right to be likened to that of a unicorn? And if we still have yet to discover where unicorns come from, or if they exist for that matter, could we assume that they too gallop the very streams of life inside the umbilical cord?

Rainbows. Unicorns. Leprechauns. Babies. Will we every discover the secrets of this mysterious little cord. Where does it come from? Where does it go? We may never know. And that’s alright with us.

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